What a difference a day makes.... or not?

Whilst the Primates of the Anglican Communion and the Primate of the Anglican Church of North America were sealed up in Canterbury Cathedral I was sealed up in Blackburn Cathedral. I had the immense privilege of spending three days with other Canon Chancellors and Canons for Education from a wide variety of Cathedrals across England and Europe.

It was a great conference where we discussed the role of Cathedrals in their contexts and how they can play a part in the regeneration and development of their communities. We thought and discussed theology and how to share the love of God in the world. We prayed together including for the Primates meeting. We didn’t talk about sexuality. Well, not until the news about the appalling consequences being applied to The Episcopal Church of America (TEC) became known, then a shadow fell across us and we experienced a mixture of disbelief, shame, anger and pain.

We talked and prayed and decided to wait until the press conference yesterday afternoon to see the full outcomes. By this time I was on the train back to Portsmouth and I followed the press conference on my iPad and via social media with increasing dismay.

I still remain horrified at the actions taken and the outcomes by a group of men (yes all men) of a certain age. I remain confused as I was fairly certain, and remain so, that the Primates meeting have no authority to do this to TEC.

Then there was the apology. It seemed a genuine apology from the Archbishop of Canterbury to the LGBTI community. I trust, however, given the history of the church’s attitude to LGBTI people that the Archbishop will allow me a degree of cynicism. As a primary school teacher I used to say to my children when resolving an argument, fight or poor behaviour that an apology was all well and good but it did not mean that the poor behaviour had not taken place, as if the words make it magically vanish. The real apology happened when the poor behaviour changed. The bad choices become good ones.

So Archbishop thank you for your apology which I accept wholeheartedly and gratefully, but where is the change of behaviour? I have woken up this morning in the same church which demonstrates institutional homophobia (although this is not always replicated at a local level where the love and acceptance of God is seen much more frequently). I have woken up as a gay priest in the same church where if I choose to marry the man I intend to spend the rest of my life with I will be reprimanded, possibly even lose my livelihood and home. I have woken up in the same church where despite my skills, abilities and gifts my options in terms of jobs and roles are limited by people who will, or will not accept me for who I am. I have woken up in the same church where the possibility of a senior leadership role is unlikely because I am openly gay and in a loving relationship which I refuse to lie about. I have woken up in a church where my calling by God is questioned and I variously labelled a sinner or worse still, by some fundamentalists, as going to hell. I have woken up in the same church where TEC, a province which has shown an apology by actions, suffers consequences (which incidentally will always be perceived as sanctions however much you claim they are not) and is clearly seen as second class. As someone on social media yesterday rather cleverly summed up the situation in the Church of England following the Primates meeting "The same as before only slightly worse."

So forgive me Archbishop if I remain cynical about the words of an apology but please, please prove me wrong and take some action to show me, the LGBTI community and indeed the whole world that it is a genuine apology. Show me and everyone just what the love of God actually means in practice.